You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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