if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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