i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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