Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
