It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
