none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
