I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
