just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
