i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
