Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize