So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
