Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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