Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
