I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
