Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
id be glad to
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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