I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
