billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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