Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
