You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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