One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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