so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
