Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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