Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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