Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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