Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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