Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
