What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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