my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize