I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
