so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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