she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
