im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
