when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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