Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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