All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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