i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
