Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need a shit load of segways right now
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
