last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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