I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So squirting runs in the family.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
