Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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