I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
