They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
