You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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