just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
