My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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