I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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