the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
