Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
