Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
