do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
