I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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