well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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