This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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