Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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