apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
