this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
