if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
