he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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