Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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