it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
