Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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