season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
