please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
