Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
