worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
