my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
