he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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