Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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