As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
