i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
