There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
