Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
