Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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