next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
