8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
