god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
