It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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