My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
