Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
