Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
