You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize