i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
