Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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