i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
