and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
