there was a trapeze. enough said
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
