do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
