I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
